Sunday, May 30, 2010

An Update Written By Holly The Wonder Cat

Dear -

It's Holly.

Mom is not doing well from her lithium and other med cocktail. (Abilify, Rispardal, Topamax, Trileptal) I am glad I am only on catnip. The weather went up to 104 degrees F, we are on the top floor so it got over 110 at one point, and mom was just too hot. She tried cooling off in the bath tub with ice cold water but that didn't work as long as she wanted, so she was just walking around with her flip flops so she didn't step on any of my mousies. Then she tried to lie in bed and got really sick. Sick to her tummy, started to shake, grabbed the bucket and started to sweat really bad. And shake. She could barely hold the bucket.

But what scared her and this is why she called you because she couldn't call grandma- is mom started seeing bugs. Not like Mr. Bunny, but the creepy crawly kind. And she thought they were on her skin, and were creeping up all over her.

I can tell you, I have never seen a flea. So it's not fleas. Mom is scratching herself raw, going in the bathtub in the oatmeal bath, just crying absolutely miserable. When she closes her eyes she sees bugs. And she is sweating and shaking and keeps the bucket next to her.

She looks this up on the internet, and finds out it's a rare side effect from her meds. This is the second time it's happened to her, but it happens from the heat. Her skin is on fire. And she won't let me touch her, or lie next to her. I have to snuggle a few inches away from her. If my fur touches her skin, she literally cries. She is still drinking her water, but her urine is coming out black this afternoon, and she is crying in pain, doubled up when she is trying to pee.

Not like me. I use the box like a trooper. I am a good kitty.

She has to get a lot of water in her today, and it has to stay down, and she needs to pee normal and not see any bugs, and stop scratching. I know she needs/wants to changing the bedding, it soaked through with sweat. I hope she has a better day.

We are sorry we bothered you last night, I was just scared for mom, I really didn't know who else to call. I wish you lived closer so you could have come over with some fish and we could have tried to feed mom and I could have eaten off your plates. When mom feels better can you come over and we can rent a movie and the three of us can chillax? And I can show you my new catnip duckie.

I love you very much, you are a good human bean.

Your friend Holly.

Monday, May 17, 2010


I Gotta write or I really will die. Dust off the book and write til my hands bleed.  Make pitcher after pitcher of ice tea and write. Write until the Phoenix rises again. The fog is lifting. Americans lover second chances. I gotta write. If I don't now I won't get a second chance again. I did it when I got sober. I gotta do it now I cannot be this depressed for the last four years and continue without being worm bait too much longer. Only Time Will tell. Write. Write.

ETA: Don't you love the 80s and the old 80s videos?

Sunday, May 16, 2010


Some vignettes pondering as  I wonder if I am finally slipping out of my mental capacities. Non compos mentis. The lunatic is in my head

In no particular order. Seeing the Trade Center bombed twice. Volunteering at Ground Zero after the event and wondering if the smell of ashes would ever come out. Amsterdam with Pooky when Theo Van Gogh died.  Driving in the car with mom and dad when Nixon resigned and dad pulling off the road and telling us children to "Put a sock in it' so he could hear the news".  Watching Secretariat win the Triple Crown. Waking up one morning and finding my mother weeping because Bobby Kennedy had been murdered, unconsolable. Me studying for my American History final and hearing about John Lennon and weeping, unconsolable.  Being an infant in my mothers arms and mother was listening to the radio and heard that JFK was murdered in Dallas and she stuck me with a diaper pin. Mom cried, and I cried. Watching the 84 Superbowl and seeing the Big Brother Apple ad. The one TV ad that still haunts me, after all these years. (That and the damn Goldwater Daisy ad which I saw in uni class). Popular culture- watching "Who Shot JR" and final epi of "M*A*S*H". School being cancelled for Luke and Laura's wedding. Loosing my virginity. Loosing my religion. Putting my cat to sleep as she lay in my arms.

Mom and Dad and Grandma and Grandpa staying up to see Neil Armstrong on the moon. I kept falling asleep on the old blue couch. Mom kept pinching me to keep me awake, so I could see it. I was a small child. I didn't see why she wouldn't let me sleep. What was the big deal. Mom said it was the biggest event of my life.  Maybe it was. I dunno.

I want to thank the following friends who cared for me while I am having problems with my meds, my sanity, and very well may be going into the hospital in the next few days. I value each and every one of their friendship more than mere words can say.

In no particular order.

Caught in my bipolar burble
Coming Out Crazy
Chronic Impending Disaster
Finding Optimism
It's Quite An Experience
My Medicated Cartoon Life
Sonya's World
Struggling With The Elephant In The Room
Letting Go
Interchanges and Connections
Non Breaking Space
Red Pill Junkie's Blog
Agitation of Hand's Strength of Words
George the Duck (well, his human)
and lastly but of course, not leastly,
Life By Misadventure

And my friends too numerous to Name on Twitter.  I'll see you all on the Dark Side of the Moon.

Monday, May 3, 2010


Thanks to the Onion. Of course.

Hat Tip: The Healthy Skeptic

Absalom, Absalom

I dreamed I was pregnant, woke up and I'm numb. Wish I could write but too depressed to even do that, everything I touch dies. May is my waste land. I kill all I touch.

I'm sorry, I just cannot stop thinking about my son. I don't know why, I haven't thought about him this much in years, the poor thing never had a chance and lately he's been in my dreams. Maybe he's been reincarnated this time successfully as a person. Maybe he made it.  All I know is right now I miss him so much I cannot write, all I can do is cry the blue out of my eyes and the pain is excruciating. I've always been told that a parent would die for their children. I believe it. I would have died for you, and I never met you. 

Sunday, May 2, 2010

I Got A Video Camera-Here's Holly!!!

Ok... Cannot resist. Happy Weekend. Back to regular blogging business tomorrow. Enjoy my girl today.

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